I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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