I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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