i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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