You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
