he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
