The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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