If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my shit smells like andre
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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