My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
