Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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