Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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