someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
