TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
