the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
