Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
