p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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