3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
