the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
