he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my being single is dangerous.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
