I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
