come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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