so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
