how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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