so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
