Me too!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
