Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
