I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
