What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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