I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
