Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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