What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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