I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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