Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
