in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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