you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm always down for nudity.
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