rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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