Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
