Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
