he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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