Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
