I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is my gift to your gina
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Who died my cat blue again?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
