theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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