Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
