No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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