Actions speak louder than pants.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
