forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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