hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
