I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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