im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
