she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
