why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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