At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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