I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
