Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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