do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
