remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
