No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize