When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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