I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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