Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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