I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
